Free Shadow Work Prompts and Tips

Written by Jennifer Aldoretta, founder of Groove

The Shadow self is the unconscious part of ourselves that we have not yet accepted and integrated, which is important as we learn to fully love and accept ourselves.

With Shadow Work Prompts, what we’re ultimately trying to create is an awareness of our Shadow qualities and how they show up in our lives.

We can also uncover which deep-seated emotions might be hiding underneath these Shadow qualities (most often fear, sadness, or unworthiness), and we can slowly begin to find space to work through these emotions and release stuck trauma energy, instead of falling back into our Shadow behaviors over and over and over again.

We can work to move beyond these deep-seated patterns and create healthier ones.

Shadow Work Prompts

There are lots of different Shadow Work Prompts we could use to do Shadow Work. I come from a 12-Step background, and my involvement in 12-Step groups has greatly informed the way I think about this type of work. Many of the Shadow Work Prompts I suggest have been adapted from 12-Step work.

To work through the prompts below, I suggest getting some paper and writing out your answers. There’s something cathartic about writing by hand, but if typing on the computer is your jam, do it that way.

Here are just a few of many potential Shadow Work Prompts:

1. If only was different, my life would be better.

   Make a list of the first few things that come to mind to complete that sentence, and don’t be shy! It might include people, things, attitudes, politics, thoughts, finances, circumstances.

2. What is it about that I want to be different? What qualities or characteristics do I struggle with?

   Using the list you made above in Prompt #1, dive into which specific qualities that you wish were different, or that you think need to change in order for your life to be better.

3. Do I personally have any of the above qualities or characteristics? If so, when do these things show up? How does it feel to admit to possessing these qualities?

4. Is it possible that part of the reason I want to be different is because I personally possess many of those same qualities that I struggle with?

5. When I personally find myself behaving with the above qualities or characteristics, what purpose might each quality or behavior be serving me in my life? For example, does it help me feel better about myself, feel stability and certainty, feel powerful, or feel needed and loved?

6. Think about the answers to Prompt #5. Could there be a deeper emotion being masked, such as fear, sadness, or unworthiness? If so, what might the emotion(s) be?

7. Considering the deeper emotion(s), are there other times in my life when the same emotion(s) show up? If so, in what other ways does the emotion manifest in my life, or what other behaviors or qualities does this emotion create in me?

We can also to explore additional questions

1. What experiences in my life also made me feel the emotions that are lying beneath my Shadow qualities?

2. Have I fully processed and made peace with these experiences, or am I still holding onto them in some way?

3. Are these Shadow qualities and their underlying emotions helpful in my life?

   Ask yourself: are these qualities and the underlying emotions creating joy in my life or are they an obstacle between me and the experience of joy?

4. What are some POSITIVE qualities I possess that have come to me as a result of my Shadow qualities or difficult life experiences?

If you’re interested in exploring Shadow Work with a little more structure, check out our Guided Shadow Work course.

Here’s an example of the above Shadow Work Prompts, with sample answers:

1. If only my relationship with my sister was different, my life would be better.

2. What is it about my relationship with my sister that I want to be different? What qualities or characteristics do I struggle with?

   I wish she weren’t so selfish and nasty to me. I wish she could communicate with me without complaining so much, and that she wasn’t always trying to start an argument about something. I struggle with her being judgmental, arrogant, unaccepting, and controlling. I don’t like those qualities in her.

3. Do I personally have any of the above qualities or characteristics? How does it feel to admit to possessing these qualities?

   Yes. I hate to admit it, but I do often find myself acting judgmental, arrogant, unaccepting, and controlling towards both myself and towards others. If I’m being honest, I don’t really like these qualities about myself.

4. Is it possible that part of the reason I want my relationship with my sister to be different is because I personally possess many of those same qualities that I struggle with?

   I hate to admit it, but yes. I don’t like it when another person reminds me of my own qualities that I do not like about myself. It’s easier to point my finger at someone or something else (like my sister) and the things I don’t like about her than to realize that I also possess these Shadow qualities.

5. When I personally find myself behaving with the above qualities or characteristics, what purpose might each quality or behavior be serving me in my life? For example, does it help me feel better about myself, feel stability and certainty, feel powerful, or feel needed and loved?

   Judgmental - when I am acting judgmental towards others, sometimes it makes me feel better about myself and my own life circumstances. My life doesn’t feel so bad when I point out the ways someone else is falling short.

   Controlling - when I am being controlling, it helps me to feel more at ease, because I am creating predictability in my life. If things are done my way, then there is less uncertainty in my life.

6. Think about the answers to Prompt #5. Could there be a deeper emotion being masked, such as fear, sadness, or unworthiness? If so, what might the emotion(s) be?

   Yes, if I am being brutally honest with myself, there are deeper emotions here.

   Judgmental - judging someone else makes me feel better about myself because I often do not like myself very much. I feel afraid that others will not like or accept me, and I feel unworthy of love. I feel a little embarrassed to admit these things.

   Controlling - I like to create predictability and certainty in my life because it helps me to feel less afraid. When life is unpredictable and uncertain, I feel afraid of what might happen.

7. Considering the deeper emotion(s), are there other times in my life when the same emotion(s) show up? If so, in what other ways does the emotion manifest in my life, or what other behaviors or qualities does this emotion create in me?

   Unworthy - this also manifests for me as internal criticism towards myself, fear or rejection, fear of not being loved, fear of abandonment.

   Afraid - this also manifests for me as criticism towards others, defensiveness, judgement, anxiety, worry, a lack of vulnerability.